I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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