I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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