Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
