Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
