I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
