Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
