Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
