OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
