your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
