I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
