I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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