just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
