So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
