i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
