She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
