You made me cry and you don't even care
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
