OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Randomize
