When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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