the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
