Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
