my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
