Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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