i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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