I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
