I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
