I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
