new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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