I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
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