you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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