none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
