I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
