You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
