all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
how does that bad decision feel?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
