so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Why can't burritos get me drunk
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
