she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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