i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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