Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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