im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
