wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
