i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I think I sprained my soul last night
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
