Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
