New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
