We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
