what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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