i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
