also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
