I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Randomize
