how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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