If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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