During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
